Ham Sandwich Time

Mike Lindell Draws Sword, Cuts Off Ear Of Officer Attempting To Arrest Trump

In other news:

Media Calls For Moment Of Silence For Shooter Who Was Misgendered

FBI Vows To Get To The Bottom Of What Christians Did To Provoke Attack

I thought the Bee only did satire.

UPDATE: According to criminal defense lawyer Toni Messina over at Above the Law, it was originally New York Judge Sol Wachtler who said that “If a district attorney wanted, a grand jury would indict a ham sandwich.” According to the Wikipedia page "Ham Sandwich," in the cultural impact section, this sentence was then quoted by author Tom Wolfe in his novel, Bonfire of the Vanities.

Chinese Military Tactics Evolve

Cracker Jack Changes Name to Less Offensive Caucasian Jack

 

In other news, FBI, CIA Relieved They No Longer Have To Travel Abroad To Turn Countries Into Banana Republics.

Timely How-To from the Babylon Bee

13 Ways To Tell If Your Priest Is An Undercover FBI Agent

Feb 10, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

So there you are, trying to worship peacefully, and then out of nowhere a priest tackles you to the ground and arrests you for radical traditionalism because you spoke in Latin. Now you're in Guantanamo Bay being waterboarded about where you were on January 6.

How'd you get here? You didn't keep your eyes open for FBI priests!

Here's how to discern that your parish is under federal control:

1. He's wearing aviators and an earpiece with his vestments

2. The new confessional booth looks a lot like a white van with FBI agents in it

Click over for the rest

In related news: FBI Investigating Plot Inside The Catholic Church To Worship Something Other Than The State

Christmas Eve Bee Stings

 

Christmas Bee Stings

Kamala Harris's Speech Writer

 

Christian Nationalists

 

Advent Bee Stings

IRS Agents Slide Down Chimneys Looking For Gifts Of $600 Or More

Uh-Oh: Someone Let Aiden Hold A Candle For 'Silent Night'

In Christmas Promotion, Holiday Inn Offers Discount To Women Who Are 9 Months Pregnant Riding On Donkeys

Bee Stings: News You Can Use

 9 Upsides Of A Nuclear Apocalypse

10 Infractions For Which PayPal Will Remove $2,500 From Your Account

Muslim Families Back On No-Fly List After Attending School Board Meeting

Jan 6 Panel Continues To Hold Hearings For Stuffed Animals And Action Figures They Arranged In Chairs

Christians Finding It Easier To Stop Storing Up Treasure On Earth Under Biden

Democrats Accuse Ghostbusters Of Voter Intimidation

BB: Californians Move to Texas

 

Bee Stings

 Sad: Day Of Remembrance For St. April O’Fool Reduced To A Day Of Pranks

Commercializing Christian holidays is, unfortunately, all too common. What was once a day of celebration marking a significant development in church history turns into a secular day for drinking, collecting candy, or getting a new Xbox.

April Fools' Day is no exception. The world celebrates this day by pranking each other, making fake announcements on the internet, and other such tomfoolery. But we Christians know the true meaning of the holiday, as we somberly recall the brutal martyrdom of St. April O'Fool in 723 A.D. ...

Disney Ordered To Pay Reparations To Longtime Star Wars Fans

Parents Disguising Kids As Illegal Immigrants So They Can Receive In-Person Teaching

Arkansas Passes Controversial Bill To Ban Chopping Off Kids' Legs If They Think They're A Mermaid

Sesame Street Introduces 'Todd', A White Male Muppet Who Is Blamed For Everything

In New Sesame Street Episode, Elmo Joins Antifa And Torches Local Businesses

In Push For Diversity, Military Canine Units To Give Equal Opportunities To Chihuahuas