New NHS figures indicate a ‘long-term downward trend’ in alcohol consumption. But medical experts have warned that Britons who are not either slightly drunk or hungover will be unable to mentally process the awfulness that surrounds them.It's a satire. Of course it is.
Doctor Tom Logan said: “I’m seeing patients who are very agitated and confused. They’re convinced that everyone is pretty hostile, the country is run by shady criminals and Essex is a real place.
“I have to explain that all these notions are entirely accurate, but they’re just noticing for the first time because they’re off the sauce.
“We must introduce a minimum alcohol intake – I’d suggest three pints per day – to provide a ‘booze cushion’ against the awfulness of reality."
BNW
A serious problem in Britain:
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8 comments:
The jester can give the reflection of reality with humor as his shield, and fear not the wrath of the King. This is how the message gets around the media blockade.
Alcohol inequality may well be the defining social problem of our time.
Interesting site. Like "The Onion" - except that this one is funny.
Alcohol inequality needs to be preserved. If everyone has equal access to good booze I'll never be able to get my hands on decent Irish whiskey again.
And how many in the US are on Prozak?
Hmm.
Alcohol inequality needs to be preserved. If everyone has equal access to good booze I'll never be able to get my hands on decent Irish whiskey again.
Spoken like a dirty, capitalist running pig-dog minion of the wealthiest 1% :p
The British Officers who landed in Boston in 1768, were totally appalled at the easy access to rum that was the norm in colonial America. They saw it (rightly so) as some thing that would ruin their soldiers.
I've seen historians muse that Colonial Americans may have been mildly drunk most of the time.
"Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy." - B. Franklin
William sends.
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