J. Reagan

The Ultimate Indoor Philosophy:

Via Arts & Letters Daily, we have an article on Judith Reagan. Reagan, who once promised to 'eat the testicles' of a man who'd crossed her by giving someone besides her a job she wanted, practices what must be the last word in indoor philosophy.

It would have been a hard couple of months, even if she had been eating.

Judith Regan loves to fast. She likes the high you get, the way it makes you feel clear, intuitive, even telepathic, transforming your skin into a baby’s and launching your energy level into the stratosphere. Says Natalia Rose, Upper East Side detoxing guru, “She loves eating really clean. When I tell her my big picture of how I want everyone to understand their connection to the light, and by healing each other we heal the world, she totally believes that.”

Later in the article, our guru of this particular metaphysics explains the system further.

A gorgeous brunette in a striped cashmere sweater drifted into the room—it was Natalia Rose, on to talk about a book that she had published with Regan, and about living clean. “Negative emotions are something in a food context,” said Rose, her face glowing with health. “What’s happening in our head is happening in our colon.”

So, human morality is reducible to brain activity; and brain activity is reducible to colonic activity. If indoor philosophy is the philosophy of people who spend their lives inside rooms, this is the philosophy that arises from living in just one room: the bathroom.

It's interesting that the philosophy claims a higher ethical purpose: "to heal the world." All that is demanded of devotees, however, is obsessive attention to themselves. By purchasing extravagant diets and trips to exotic spas, they purify themselves to the point that they become a healing force in the world.

Sound familiar? By pursuing their connection to the 'inner light' through devotion to attending to their body, they are fulfilling Chesterton's prediction perfectly.

Of all conceivable forms of enlightenment the worst is what these people call the Inner Light. Of all horrible religions the most horrible is the worship of the god within. Any one who knows any body knows how it would work; any one who knows any one from the Higher Thought Centre knows how it does work. That Jones shall worship the god within him turns out ultimately to mean that Jones shall worship Jones. Let Jones worship the sun or moon, anything rather than the Inner Light; let Jones worship cats or crocodiles, if he can find any in his street, but not the god within.

Well, how does that doctrine work itself out? Let Reagan tell us herself.

In her office the day before she was fired, she had a meeting with Anna David, the author of the book Party Girl—You’re so gorgeous you should be on the cover of your book!—and chatted in the corridors with some of her staff: One of the moms told her about her ex-husband, who seemed to be ignoring their kids at Christmastime and reneging on special presents. “Of course he doesn’t have to get them presents,” she fumed. “He’s a man—the only thing they’re good for is semen. They’re inseminators! That’s all they are!”

A stray male walked down the hallway.

“Not you,” she called after him, dissolving in laughter. “Every man except you!”

Ah, yes. Spreading healing among... well, not "mankind," exactly, but perhaps to the occasional "stray male."

Of course, if Judith shall worship Judith, it makes sense for her to feel that Jones has fallen from the pure faith. If the image of perfection is your own perfect self, than anyone who is different from you -- by sex, by race, by metaphysics -- is removed from that purity precisely by the degree of difference. Even if Jones were a fellow devotee, he is a man. Probably his colon is unclean; certainly his chromosomes are.