C&I

Cowboys & Indians:

A special award in the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest was this little entry:

India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before.

Ken Aclin
Shreveport, LA

I gave out a burst of laughter when I got to "steak houses." It was a brief burst, but laughter is all to rare these days, so I value it where I find it.

So today, reading Hong Kong's Asia Times, I came across this article, entitled "Delhi's cowboys ride urban range." Given that this is real, well, this is as good a joke as the first one.

The past few days India's capital city of New Delhi has been witness to a peculiar sight - cowboys (many on motorcycles) with lassos spanning the city to round up cattle. The Indian version of the Pamplona bull run or the American cattle roundup has begun following the announcement of a cash award of US$50 per cow caught, announced by the Delhi high court to rid the city of the traffic menace.

Oh, but it gets better.

There has been an intelligence report that stray dogs that live next to the prime minister's residence are a potential hazard as they move in and out of the high-security zone, given their friendly access to the security guards. Any one of the dogs can be stitched up with a remote-controlled bomb.

Why, yes it could, I guess...

One reason authorities in Delhi and several cities and towns in India have been unable to launch a crusade to rid themselves of vagabond cattle is religion. Cows remain a very touchy subject due to religious sentiments. The animal is revered by the Hindus, addressed as Gau Mata (meaning, the cow is like a mother). Indian history has several instances of Hindu-Muslim riots erupting over cows being slaughtered, sometimes deliberately to incite violence.... But apart from religion there are other factors that complicate the task, not least the animal rights activists who make it a point to criticize any government action or inaction.

Animal rights activists rioting against motorcycle-riding Indian Cowboys, lariats in hand! Skulking veterinary terrorists, performing surgery to turn stray dogs into wandering bombs in order to get at the prime minister!

I can see I am going to have to make good on the advice given me by John Ryan, my old friend, professional gambler, and Australian good-for-nothing. He once told me that, no matter what else I did in my life, "Don't miss India!"

Somehow, I'm just going to have to get out there.