Against American Football

American Football [is] a game of collisions and brute force that requires an entire chest of drawers of padding and equipment and a storm trooper helmet. More than a few professional football players will not even let their children participate in it. Everybody hates it.

Except the race of barbaric persons known collectively as Americans.
Spoiler: the author is in fact an American. Specifically, he's one of those white American males trying desperately to differentiate himself from the rest of 'them' that VDH was discussing.

Really, it's a classic of the genre.


E Hines said...

Except the race of barbaric persons known collectively as Americans.

I've been a fan of professional football for decades, but that slur is enough, by itself, to make people fans of the game.

Even without the slur, though, the scribe shows an appalling ignorance. From the piece at the link: Soccer, also known as football, is the world’s most popular sport. It’s a peaceful game of teamwork and technical skill that requires little more than a round ball and a pair of shoes.

Goalies have started wearing helmets because they're tiring of the skull, and brain, damage they suffer when they dive into a goal post chasing a shot. Players on the field of the pitch are constantly knocking heads and getting concussions--which concussions get a lick and a promise and the victim sent back onto the pitch. This is in contrast with professional football, where players are evaluated for nearly any blow to the head (even inflicted by the ground), sent to a medical tent, sent to the locker room, sat down for a number of games. And where blows to the head are outlawed and strongly enforced against.

And while dirty play exists in any sport, only in boxing and in soccer have players bitten other players, including biting off a part of an ear.

It's [American football] a game of territory. Always has been.

I don't know of any sport--or board game--that isn't. Even poker has aspects of territory, through competition and the game's goal of taking everyone else's money.

Eric Hines

E Hines said...

And this racist slur of the scribe's: Consider the way Louisiana was finally populated. In 1806, there were about 300 people there.

Because Indians and Cajuns aren't people.

Eric Hines

Grim said...

I don't regard "the race of barbaric persons known as Americans" as a slur, so much as an aspirational statement.

After all, it treats us as one people, which is a nice change from the way the Left usually wants to Balkanize us. As for 'barbaric,' well, famous American Robert E. Howard knew something about how barbarism always wins in the end.

E Hines said...

That's a useful definition from older times; however, this person writes for today, the term today is a slur, and that's how he meant it.

And he knew what he was saying: he's an English Professor and an Editor.

Eric Hines

Grim said...

Yes, and he runs a journal of poetry. "Poetry" is another word whose definition has apparently changed from olden times.

E Hines said...

He says it's poetry. ee cummings would sneer at him. And so do I.

Eric Hines

james said...

I would not want my children to play football. On the other hand, I don't think I want to live in a country where it is forbidden to play the game. Games of brute force have a good role to play. I'm a sedentary academic sort--I'd make a lousy policeman.

Eric Blair said...

There's always Sumo.

Assistant Village Idiot said...

Boxing, water polo, rugby, motor sports, hockey...yeah this all clearly an American problem.

Ymarsakar said...


The armor isn't necessary.

Americans still believe in the moon landing religion. Blind faith works wonders for any religious sect.

raven said...

If he thinks football is rough he never watched hockey.
If he thinks soccer is peaceful he should consider the fans...
He is an idiot, by Crom!