For all my marriage has given me, all it has allowed me to be and to experience, there is no title to recognize that. It’s just ‘mister,’ for every man.I prefer to be addressed by my first name: "Sir."
For all my marriage has given me, all it has allowed me to be and to experience, there is no title to recognize that. It’s just ‘mister,’ for every man.I prefer to be addressed by my first name: "Sir."
12 comments:
Stupid thing to worry about. It smacks of the nonsense we hear from the language fussbudgets who complain that "history" is sexist (because it contains HIS in it), or that women should be spelled womyn or some other such frippery.
If you want a title, get a professional one. Yes, women get a different one after marriage (if they want), but so what? It does nothing to diminish you if you do not. All I am seeing here is jealousy of the most petty sort.
I don't think it diminishes a man not to have a different salutation when he gets married, but honestly I've always thought it was very strange and didn't make much sense at all.
This comment pretty much illustrates why:
... from a biblical and historical perspective, the reason is that a man is his own. His self doesn't change through marriage. He's the head, the identity of the marriage. That's why his wife changes names and changes status. He gains a wife, but in business and social situations, he doesn't change.
Not even sure where to start with that one.
I cannot defend what stupidity flows from other people. I am only accountable for my own stupidity.
When my wife and I were engaged, I made special effort to tell her that she was free to keep her maiden name if she liked, it was of no consequence to me whatsoever. She was adamant that she WANTED to take my last name. But the decision was entirely hers.
I agree is it a slightly puzzling artifact of language that a woman becomes a Mrs. (or Ms. as some prefer) upon wedding, or that an unmarried woman is Miss (or Ms. as some prefer), while a man remains Mr. for his lifetime. But ultimately, if this is someone's greatest concern, or indeed, even just something they feel compelled to voice frustration over, then I posit that person has a pretty trouble free life. Because while I can acknowledge this is strange, it would never once have occurred to me if someone hadn't brought it up.
It's not a reasoned proposition, it's an evolved tradition. We do it that way (as Miss Manners likes to say) because that's how we do it.
Just like table manners could rationally have taken many different forms -- a standard of using your forks in order from the inside out rather than from the outside in works just as well.
So when you show up to a nice dinner, you do it the traditional way not because it's especially rational. You do it to help contribute to a social environment in which everyone around you feels at ease.
If this guy wants to start printing up his business cards and introducing himself as "Master James -- I'm married, and I think 'mister' should only be for the unmarried"... well, this is America, and he can do what he likes. But you'll forgive me for thinking he's a moron, and more than a little bit rude to insist on some invented standard that suits him personally but requires everyone he meets to adjust their behavior for his pleasure.
It's like those business suits we were talking about yesterday, Mike: I hate them because they are useless. I still wear them at appropriate times, for the comfort of others. It signals to them that I'm there for particular purposes and helps them know how to interact with me.
As soon as I can, though, I change back into clothes that are more functional. Not more comfortable -- a good suit feels like you're wearing pajamas in public all day -- but more functional. Boots that can support weight and won't slip in oil. Pants that won't tear if you brush against barbed wire. If I'm going to wear a scarf, I don't want a necktie that looks pretty and does nothing to keep my neck warm. I want something that will stop the wind.
But I still wear them, even though they are useless and ridiculous, when necessary to signal the right things to make people comfortable.
IIRC it used to be proper manners (in writing) to address letters and invitations to an unmarried son living at home as Master {last name}, to distinguish him from the head of the household. I tell students to call me either Miss or Dr., whichever one is easier to remember. They usually divide 50/50.
LittleRed1
When I send things to my grandsons, I use "Master". It's just how I was raised, and also it tickles me to address a small boy as "master" (and I suspect they like it as well).
Mike, I can't imagine making a big deal over the lack of a married title for men either. That comment just struck me as bizarre though :p
I don't worry too much about clothes. Dressing up in some contexts has value, I think. But it can go overboard very quickly.
I still like to see that people are willing to dress up for certain things, but it doesn't make any sense in other contexts.
Left to myself, I prefer comfortable clothes.
I cannot defend what stupidity flows from other people. I am only accountable for my own stupidity.
NOOOOOOOOO, DAGNABBIT!!!!
YOU MUST EXPLAIN ANY STUPIDITY FROM A MAN BECAUSE.... UMMM.... OUTRAGE!!! :)
I think that is the correct use of "Master," which I first encountered in Mark Twain's Adventures of Tom Sawyer, in which the slaves addressed Tom Sawyer as "Master Tom," not because he was their master, but because it was the form for a young man. I was confused about that as a boy, and had to ask why they called him that.
On a similar subject, I once altered the autocorrect in my wife's smart phone to 'correct' my name in any text to "My Lord and Husband." You can imagine her amusement. :)
Grim, that is outstanding. I'm not terribly tech-savvy, so I didn't even know that was possible. I salute you.
NOOOOOOOOO, DAGNABBIT!!!!
YOU MUST EXPLAIN ANY STUPIDITY FROM A MAN BECAUSE.... UMMM.... OUTRAGE!!! :)
Well fine... if you want a stock answer for why a man does stupid things, then my default guess will be "testosterone". If that answer fails to please your particular paradigm, then go with "Patriarchy", that seems to satisfy some folks as an explanation.
He would love the Japanese titles and status hierarchies then.
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