DB: Military Adopts Gender-Neutral Hair Standards

Following the conclusion of a lengthy period of focused testing and evaluation, the Department of Defense is poised to mandate full gender neutral integration of hair standards across the US military.... “For far too long, the US military has propagated an environment of double standards, lowered expectations, and lame-ass haircuts,” said Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford, running his fingers through his luscious mane, working carefully to wrap the flowing locks into a compact, gender nonconforming “War Bun” atop his head.


Cass said...


Anonymous said...

NOOOO! Anything but the man bun!

(Unless it is a Japanese samurai top-knot, which is a totally different thing.)


Grim said...

“It is time we are all on the same sheet of music,” Dunford added, “and it pleases me to announce today the conclusion of a rigorous testing process, one in which the participants were handpicked, and the results ignored.”

E Hines said...

Probably need to start injecting female soldiers with testosterone so they grow facial hair. It's a microaggression that they don't have to shave to get a gas mask to fit properly.

Eric Hines