On a Father's Love

We didn't say anything here about the infamous controversy of Ms. Samantha Brick, which probably most of you noticed a few weeks ago (I would guess since it pervaded even the parts of the internet that I normally visit). There wasn't much to say about it except that most of the negative reactions were unjustified, since no amount of inflated self-esteem could account for the regular buying of free drinks and other attentions that generally do accompany beautiful women. However she might have appeared to the multitude who wrote to insult her, to those men at those times she plainly was a joy, and her presence an honor to which they wanted to pay tribute.

She has written a followup piece, though, that probably deserves comment. It is about her father, and what his constant love did for her.

 This piece, far more than the other, is a thing worth conveying to all who might hear it.


Cass said...

I saw the headline a while back but never read the article.

Having read it, my first thought was "You have *got* to be kidding me!"

I liked the piece about her Dad, but was rather mystified by the first one. Women deal with other women who are prettier than they are all the time. In my experience, that doesn't make women dislike another woman.

Now if you have an attitude (such as, perhaps, writing an article about how amazingly gorgeous you are and how men fall all over themselves over you) then I would imagine it might be a tad bit offputting :)

Grim said...

I found the reactions to the article a little mystifying. People were so focused on hating on her for not being as beautiful as she appeared to think that they were missing what I took to be the real point -- unless she was just making up all that stuff about free drinks and upgrades and whatnot, she really is having a significant effect on men in her environment.

That she may not be physically perfect should be an inspiration: it demonstrates that physical perfection isn't the sole factor in being beautiful and attractive to men. Contrast this with the way women tend to be encouraged (by the market, which wants to sell them stuff) to fear every physical flaw -- not having 'big enough' breasts, say. The claim of the market is that if you don't maximize your physical perfection, no one will really love you.

Here is some evidence that this isn't true. You don't need to be perfect. Men will still find you beautiful even if perhaps you are only modestly on the road to perfection, if you are confident and a source of joy and happiness.

The second story -- about the gift her father gave her -- is even better.

bthun said...

"That she may not be physically perfect should be an inspiration: it demonstrates that physical perfection isn't the sole factor in being beautiful and attractive to men. "

I'll second that notion. And I'll add, as I've been known to do from time to time, that ugly may not be readily apparent on the outside, but it goes all the way to the bone.

douglas said...

Perhaps those who responded with comments on her physical appearance were really responding on how they now perceived her in light of her comments. Even in the article about her father, she comes across to me as a bit cocksure, and speaks of it like it's a virtue. I tell my daughter she's beautiful (and so does everyone else), and she's about as naturally confident as it gets, so I find myself being more concerned that she not rely on external beauty and develop inner beauty, because sometimes nothing makes pretty turn ugly faster than opening ones mouth.

I don't know, I'm just from the school that it's not proper to go around acting like you're wonderful no matter what anyone else says. Keep in mind the old Irish proverb- 'If everyone says you're drunk, perhaps you ought to sit down.

Cass said...

What Douglas said :p

Wrt looks, I was pretty in an average sort of way as a young woman but I was more successful with boys than many of my gorgeous friends.

I think it was mostly being approachable - men really do take that into account. Often they won't approach an extremely beautiful woman at all for fear of being rejected. This is a sometimes mistaken, but mostly rational calculation that the odds of success diminish when you go after someone who's clearly out of your league, looks-wise.

As young woman, I quickly learned not to make eye contact with men who appeared to be interested in me unless in (in fact) wanted to be approached. As an older woman now, I don't have to worry about that so much so I make eye contact with men much more frequently in a casual setting and have been amused (and gratified) to see that most men will go out of their way to make a woman smile even if they have no intention of trying to pick her up. The other day at work I had 3 men line up to hold doors for me. This isn't at all uncommon and it's nice - they felt good, I felt good, everyone wins.

I attribute this to the eye contact and not to my looks.

E Hines said...

That she may not be physically perfect should be an inspiration: it demonstrates that physical perfection isn't the sole factor in being beautiful and attractive to men.

Indeed. My oldest brother once gave me advice pretty much in line with this. It proved consistent, if not entirely valid, in high school, but after that bit of adolescence, I've never found it to be true in the world. The beautiful women I've known (as opposed to the children of high school) have all been sharp as tacks, and as wide ranging in social skills as those who bay at the moon and us men. Maybe times are different today than they were then, but it also seems to me that today's beautiful woman has had to work hard to overcome two or three damaging stereotypes, which often has the effect of personality development rather than simply trading on looks.

...she comes across to me as a bit cocksure, and speaks of it like it's a virtue.

As a great man once said, "It ain't braggin' if you can do it." Acknowledging one's own talent or favorable attribute can be a pure statement of fact, and nothing more. It's necessary to know the context of the statement and its purpose--and especially the latter can be hard to discriminate from a brag or from arrogance.

Eric Hines

douglas said...

""It ain't braggin' if you can do it."

I suppose that's the issue- I couldn't disagree more. Or at least if it's not bragging, it may still be distasteful and uncouth. That could lead one to be found unattractive, to be sure.

Also, here she's not really speaking of a talent- she's speaking of something she's been given, and had to put only a normal effort in to achieve the results she seems to think are so worth crowing about.

We used to call someone like her 'full of themselves', or 'too big for their britches'. What ever happened to modesty as a virtue? Sure, confidence is a virtue as well, but as with most, taken too far it's no longer so.