The traffic-cone wars

We take these humble guardians of civilization for granted.  Now an organization has sprung up to correct that injustice:

Until the late 20th century, traffic cones were not thought worthy of scientific study.  It is the Society's mission to counteract these centuries of neglect.  By preserving and studying these "Helpers of Humanity," we hope to allow future generations the opportunity to enjoy these magnificent creatures in their natural habitats.

Not a moment too soon. The sturdy traffic cone has exploded onto the public scene as the pointy end of the spear in our government's attempt to educate the public about what happens when they get uppity. That's not to say that all of the public is taking its lesson in the proper spirit:  some citizens are embracing outright anarchy.

Schemes are being hatched on some of the darker corners of the Internet to corner the market in orange cones and begin deploying them strategically against federal bureaucrats, perhaps even cordoning off the entirety of the District of Columbia.  Because of Congress's failure to regulate this market, traffic cones are freely available on the Internet for purchase by authorized personnel from a variety of corporate manufacturers (see here and here).  Buyers don't need to pass any background checks or secure a license first.  All they need is money.

Did you know traffic cones were invented in 1914?  They've come a long way, not only in manufacturing standards but also in their critical role in the body politic.  Sadly, many did not survive the transition to a new world order.  Those that did, however, are poised to take their place in the current showdown over just who's in charge of whom here:

The Automobile Age was a time of profound and rapid change for Conus.  Burgeoning road construction attracted cones, and most left the valleys and the fields to live on the new roads. They flocked to construction work sites, potholes, and other road hazards.  Unfortunately, these new environs did not favor all cones.  Species of grey and black cones that had previously flourished were rendered almost extinct, as automobiles were much less likely to see them upon the asphalt.  Nature began to favor only the brightest and most visible of cones, which tended to be red, yellow, and orange.

Some traffic cones are less tangible.  The Dept. of Justice briefly concluded, for instance, that it would be a good idea to shut down its Amber Alert website as "non-essential," while keeping open the federally-owned golf course favored by our President.  It didn't take long for someone to realize what a bad idea that was, and now the DOJ has crawfished.  In order to make up for the tax expenditures, however, the Dept. of the Interior announced that it would officially withdraw its permission for Old Faithful to operate.