Apologies

Apologies:

One of you wrote today to ask me after something I once wrote on how a gentleman ought to apologize. I can't remember where it was, and I haven't found it; but it takes only a moment to spell out the rules. The rules are simple. A gentleman is a fighting man, and is therefore meant to be frank.

1) Take responsibility for the fault.
2) Explicitly say either "I am sorry" or "I apologize."
3) In a few words, explain yourself without attempting to excuse yourself.

I realize that can be very hard. I didn't say it was easy, though; I said it was simple. There is a sense in which God is simple. That doesn't make it easy to understand his nature; in fact, it makes it much harder.

That's what Carl Von Clausewitz said, though: 'In war, everything is simple; and the simplest things are hard.'

Speaking of what is hard, a harder thing to do than to give a good apology is to receive one. I hold with Alexander Dumas, who wrote -- I can't seem to find the precise quote of his either -- that a gentleman can do no more than apologize. Once that has been done, his honor is neatly concerned with having his apology received on honorable terms. If that is also done, he can do very much more: but if it is not done, he cannot.

It is therefore of chief importance that we learn to accept an honest and sincere apology. We are enjoined to forgive everything, and love our enemies as well as our neighbors. That is another simple rule that proves very hard.

Yet there it is.