tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post9204836661135909240..comments2024-03-29T03:57:26.974-04:00Comments on Grim's Hall: Against Our Cultural Bias Towards the AdultsGrimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-17384070073535154122012-06-17T18:02:31.151-04:002012-06-17T18:02:31.151-04:00Right. That is the point I agree with -- she seem...Right. That is the point I agree with -- she seems to be quite correct about that. It's the way she framed her point that strikes me as being problematic; in fact, it may be as big a conceptual problem as the one she's trying to correct.Grimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-21223400885453704142012-06-17T14:30:22.436-04:002012-06-17T14:30:22.436-04:00I think E J Graff's point is that the group be...I think E J Graff's point is that the group being studied is skewed toward adulterers who have inflicted enormous emotional damage on both the mothers and the children before they (allegedly) settled down with a male partner.<br /><br />If the family histories were limited to a less harmful scenario, if for example these gay dads became dads by adopting needy children, so that the family is not burdened with harsh lessons of betrayal by the father, then it will have been fewer horrible memories for the children. <br /><br />valerieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-25133824356478345112012-06-17T10:31:10.153-04:002012-06-17T10:31:10.153-04:00LR1 --
One thing the study does appear to show is...LR1 --<br /><br />One thing the study does appear to show is that children from families that remained together did better than other kinds of children studied. But "remained together" doesn't just mean 'while the kids were there' -- families that separated after the children left home had offspring that also suffered.<br /><br />Thus, the two ends are quite compatible in this case. It's good for the children that you find a way to be happy with their other parent.Grimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-49751362923387197932012-06-17T10:25:54.562-04:002012-06-17T10:25:54.562-04:00Texan 99 - "It's been fashionable for man...Texan 99 - "It's been fashionable for many decades now to pretend that you can change out parents like electronic components, without facing the real difficulties that ensue." <br />In a world where "family" can be redefined weekly, some people are forever tinkering with who the "family" is and isn't instead of learning how to make one work.<br />Little Red 1 - Agreed. In our case "attachment parenting" was definitely not a problem. My father's remarks were focused more on people who ended their marriages when the road got bumpy. We knew plenty of families back then who dealt with really difficult problems for decades, but stayed together for the children and thus focused on the well being of the innocents. In most of those cases, the couples stayed together and in many of them, they grew closer than ever before. We had an exceptional childhood and my parents and their friends worked hard to make it that way. My father expected my wife and I should make the same effort. My children have told me that my wife and I succeeded.tyreenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-83981357616167444102012-06-17T09:57:20.000-04:002012-06-17T09:57:20.000-04:00I don't know any children who were raised by g...I don't know any children who were raised by gay parents. I do know many who were raised by stepparents, though, including myself, and although that relationship obviously doesn't always have to be a disaster, I would say that it always adds a layer of considerable difficulty. It's not just that the biological parents are more similar to a biological child, but that there's a strong instinct that promotes bonding with a biological child and that is partially if not wholly absent with a step-child. Can the difficulty be overcome? Sure, there are exceptional people who make very fine adoptive parents or step-parents. But it's not a trivial difficulty.<br /><br />In a gay couple, at least one parent, if not both, is guaranteed to be a step-parent. It's one reason I often look at gay-marriage issues in the same light that I view divorce controversies. It's been fashionable for many decades now to pretend that you can change out parents like electronic components, without facing the real difficulties that ensue.<br /><br />Parents die, and sometimes we have to face huge challenges in finding substitute parents for the kids. But it's not such a great idea to set things up so that we face that task a whole lot more often than we have to.Texan99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10479561573903660086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-29028319254505274962012-06-17T09:29:09.038-04:002012-06-17T09:29:09.038-04:00...clearly the child obtains a benefit from being ...<i>...clearly the child obtains a benefit from being born, and more benefits from every day of life....</i><br /><br />To quote the third answer from the Baltimore Catechism: "God made us to show forth His goodness <b>and to share with us His everlasting happiness in heaven.</b>"<br /><br />It is often forgotten, but nonetheless true: GOD made us, in partnership with our biological parents. "Happiness" is not (properly) defined in 'human' terms.<br /><br />Do not allow others to frame the argument incorrectly!Dad29https://www.blogger.com/profile/08554276286736923821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-88635234858147472392012-06-17T09:07:29.842-04:002012-06-17T09:07:29.842-04:00My parents warned sibling and spouse that when Jun...My parents warned sibling and spouse that when Junior arrived, sib needed to remember that the marriage began before the child, and if the marriage was to continue past the child, they needed to take time for themselves and to beware of all the trendy pressure to do "attachment parenting." (Context: spouse-in-law got all sorts of very well-meaning and very bad advice from co-workers about being a "real parent.") Perhaps keeping the marriage happy and tranquil is a good first step towards having happy and emotionally healthy offspring.<br /><br />LittleRed1Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-83412689127249723702012-06-17T01:30:02.856-04:002012-06-17T01:30:02.856-04:00Hooah, Tyree. My respects to your father, as well...Hooah, Tyree. My respects to your father, as well.Grimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-52294059485279827302012-06-16T17:08:55.714-04:002012-06-16T17:08:55.714-04:00Thanks for that. I once mentioned happiness in mar...Thanks for that. I once mentioned happiness in marriage to my father and he snapped back "What has happiness got to do with it? We hope for happiness for the parents but the happiness of the children is what it paramount."tyreenoreply@blogger.com