tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post3571504777531106755..comments2024-03-28T13:37:26.314-04:00Comments on Grim's Hall: Assisted EuphemizingGrimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-34104197834287397302012-05-12T20:34:05.868-04:002012-05-12T20:34:05.868-04:00I admire your strength, courage, and dedication to...I admire your strength, courage, and dedication to your elderly relatives Tex.<br /><br />How to care for the elderly we love is all too often a contentious issue involving money, logistics, and the [almost always] conflicting wishes of the younger family members versus the elderly loved ones. <br /><br />Many of those elderly folks are unwilling to give up, among other things, their freedom of movement, i.e. driving, even when they can no longer safely operate or even see well enough to operate a vehicle. Neither will some of the elderly give serious consideration to the options realistically available to them, like an Alaskan Brown Bear hunt... <br /><br />Another such option is moving in with their children. Even when their pragmatic children have the room, the time, the money, along with the patience, and the genuine desire to help, it's as unsatisfactory as any other available option. Don't ask me how I know...<br /><br />From what I've seen [and been involved with] of several similar situations, the longing for and illusion of remaining independent along with varying quantities of pride make for some interesting and unpleasant tussles. <br /><br />MIL/FIL are approaching the time when they will no longer be able to execute the daily routine without a lot of assistance and our closest neighbors are dealing with the same issues for their still living parents, one on each side of the marriage, both in their late 80's. So, this topic comes up from time to time in the hun's neighborhood.<br /><br />Tex, I think I'll just hush and offer my best wishes for you to remain within the bounds of cordial protocol at the celebratory service and to do so without internalizing undue stress or hurt. Sadness, well, that's unavoidable. <br /><br />As to my personal circumstance, I want to second what Grim said should I outlive my dearest. And when my time comes, I want it known that I request an Irish <i>get falling down drunk, tell bad jokes, and whoppers about the deceased</i> style service/wake. But only <b>after</b> I've shuffle off this mortal coil, say 50 or 60 years hence... =;^}bthunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15789441349826379510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-85966877541000978792012-05-12T17:44:13.697-04:002012-05-12T17:44:13.697-04:00T99, you have my sympathies on a number of planes,...T99, you have my sympathies on a number of planes, and my condolences. <br /><br />My parents moved to an assisted living facility in Iowa, and lived there until they died some 20 years later. They loved it. My brother and I hated it. It was a place to go die, and it acted like it. The place just did a better job of putting a pleasant veneer on the situation, but it couldn't escape the fact that everyone was surrounded by old folks who were waiting to die--and my active, young parents very quickly became old.<br /><br />For good or ill, I've left instructions with my will that when I die, there should be a celebration of my life, such grief over missing me as may actually be present, and for a bit of music that I like to rattle the windows. But above all, the rite should be designed with the living in mind and for their sake. I'll be dead, and one way or another, I won't care (which, of course contradicts the request for the music--except that satisfying it will satisfy my wife).<br /><br />You did, and are, doing what you could for your aunt. There's nothing more for it than that.<br /><br />Eric HinesE Hineshttp://aplebessite.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-18125311436821989772012-05-12T17:27:21.165-04:002012-05-12T17:27:21.165-04:00My sister says that her retirement plan is BASE ju...My sister says that her retirement plan is BASE jumping. Mine -- should I survive my wife -- involves taking lone gold-hunting expeditions in the Alaskan wilderness.<br /><br />I saw my grandfather die at eighty, after a dozen strokes and twice as many heart attacks. Ultimately, as a culture we need to give more thought to what it means to die well. We think a lot about <i>living</i> well, but a good life ideally includes a good death.Grimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07543082562999855432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-55853908182187485842012-05-12T17:12:02.498-04:002012-05-12T17:12:02.498-04:00Home hospice is a million times better than dying ...Home hospice is a million times better than dying in the hospital. Her assisted-living place, unfortunately, could not accommodate such a thing. If you're not ambulatory, you can't stay in the apartment section, ostensibly because of concerns over evacuation in an emergency. -- But hospice has been an incredible blessing for the many family and friends I've known to use it. A hospital is a fine place to be when emergency treatment might reasonably be expected to cure you, but it's no place to end your life in resignation to the inevitable. It's best to be home if you possibly can.Texan99https://www.blogger.com/profile/10479561573903660086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173950.post-888756748070668512012-05-12T15:50:41.563-04:002012-05-12T15:50:41.563-04:00There has been a rapid spate of passings in my chu...There has been a rapid spate of passings in my church this past month, and many of these folks opted for home hospice. After hospital stays, the option of having a nurse at their house seemed to be a relief, and they died in familiar and comfortable surroundings. I had not thought about the control aspects of it, but I can see why one would dread the prospect, even at the hands of those who have the best intentions.<br /><br />TX, you have my sympathies. "Bless your heart" and "that's so nice" cover a lot of circumstances. There are times I wish women could still have a public attack of the vapors and just get it out of our systems!<br /><br />LittleRed1Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com