"Cheer up, boys!"

I wish I could find this on YouTube, but all I have is a transcript from a 1976 SNL skit with Kris Kristofferson and Chevy Chase, "Waiting for Pardo":
Bill: Is he comin'? 
Bob: I don't think so. 
Bill: Have you ever seen him? 
Bob: No. Nobody has. 
Bill: Well, how do you know he exists? 
Bob: What? 
Bill: How do you know he exists? 
Bob: I've heard him. 
Bill: Where? On game shows? 
Bob: Yes. "Jeopardy." 
Bill: We can't wait much longer. 
Bob: We don't have much time. 
Don Pardo: Yes, you do, boys! 'Cause here's good news! [iris to an image of wristwatches in deep space - the brand of watch is IMMANUEL KANT OF GERMANY] Space and time are empirically real but transcendentally ideal, Bill! Yours from Immanuel Kant -- where Time and Space work hand-in-hand for you! [dissolve back to the tramps
Bill: What's it like? 
Bob: What? 
Bill: The face of Pardo. 
Bob: It's been said that it's very beautiful. 
Bill: Yes. 
Bob: Though no one's ever seen it. 
Bill: Let's look for it. [Bob looks inside a boot that he carries while Bill looks skyward at the sound of Don Pardo's Olympian voice
Don Pardo: Keep looking, boys! [iris to an image of luggage - brand name: Spinoza] 'Cause all things which are, are in themselves, or in another thing, Bill! Another quality idea from Spinoza! [dissolve back to the tramps
Bob: [off his boot] Well, he's not in here. 
Bill: [off his shoe] Not in here either. 
Bob: [tries to put on Bill's shoe] It's a struggle. 
Bill: Puttin' on your shoe? 
Bob: No, puttin' on yours. 
Bill: [puts his hat on his foot] I think we're losing this game. 
Don Pardo: No way, big fella! [iris to an image of fine jewelry - brand name: MARX OF LONDON] The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains! Workers of the world unite, Bob! From "Das Kapital" by Marx! Back to you, Bill! [dissolve back to the tramps]  
Bob: Tell me ... you like my T-shirt? 
Bill: I have one. 
Bob: Bloomingdale's? 
Bill: Macy's. 
Bob: Let's just ... keep waiting. 
Don Pardo: And you'll be glad you did, you lucky devils, you! [iris to image of cruise ships with the words 5 DAYS 6 NIGHTS - I CHING TO HONG KONG] Because, from the fabulous Book of Changes, comes success! It furthers one to cross the great water! Perseverance furthers, Bill! From the good folks at I Ching! 
Bill: He must be very smart. 
Don Pardo: I think, therefore I am, Bill! [dissolve to image of men's designer slacks and the Eiffel Tower - brand name: René Descartes of Paris] Something to think about from René Descartes of Paris! [dissolve back to the tramps
Bob: Knock knock. 
Bill: Who's there? 
Bob: Bob. 
Bill: Knock knock. 
Bob: Who's there? 
Bill: Bill. 
Bob: One hundred bottles of beer on the wall ... 
Bill: One hundred bottles of beer ... 
Bob: If one of those bottles should happen to fall ... 
Bill and Bob: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall ... 
Don Pardo: And while you're waiting for Pardo, have a nice day, Bill! [dissolve to image of a smiley face underneath which is the name of Rod McKuen] Loosely based on a concept by Rod McKuen. 
Bob: Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall ... 
Bill: Ninety-eight bottles of beer ... 
Bob: If one of those bottles should happen to fall ... [stage darkens]

8 comments:

Grim said...

I was reading that P. J. O'Rourke piece yesterday, and was very surprised to realize that National Lampoon grew out of a similar magazine from Harvard that dates to 1897. But then they went to write for Saturday Night Live, which is how you get skits like this one, I suppose. :)

Texan99 said...

Was this in a P.J. O'Rourke piece recently? That's funny. It came to me because I have been proofreading an unusually tedious book of French philosophy.

Grim said...

Yeah, like yesterday. I see I misremembered the date for the Harvard Lampoon which began in 1876, not 1897. So it's a venerable tradition in American higher education.

Eric Blair said...

I'm pretty sure that is all a take-off on the play "Waiting for Godot".

Grim said...

Well, of course it is. But the point is that SNL was getting its humor writers, in those early days, from a pretty deep well.

Texan99 said...

Kris Kristofferson was the host, and played Bill (or Bob, I forget)--he was a Rhodes scholar, right? Another of his skits that night was a spoof ad for a language-tape lesson that would teach you to stop talking like an educated square and give you a convincing Nashville accent, complete with dropped g's and double negatives. It wasn't very good, but it was a sign of where he was coming from. Kristofferson made an appealing romantic lead, and I guess he must have been pretty bright, but his comic timing was nothing to write home about.

Was it someone here, or am I thinking of Maggie's Farm, that posted a Monty Python skit with the Greeks vs. the German philosophers in a soccer game? All the philosophers stand around thinking instead of kicking the ball, until Archimedes takes things in hand.

Anyway, I liked the skit, if only because of Pardo urging the two maundering French existentialists to cheer up, for Pete's sake. And kick a ball across a goal line or something.

Grim said...

That was here. Kristofferson wasn't a great comic actor, but he was a great songwriter/singer. He had great timing in that. If you haven't heard it before, take a listen to this. If you have, you'll probably be glad to listen to it again.

He was in Convoy, too. Not a great movie, not really, but iconic for its age.

Grim said...

By the way, it's probably completely obvious, but it's Johnny Cash he's talking about in the opening to that song. Johnny Cash and June Carter.