Bill: Is he comin'?
Bob: I don't think so.
Bill: Have you ever seen him?
Bob: No. Nobody has.
Bill: Well, how do you know he exists?
Bill: How do you know he exists?
Bob: I've heard him.
Bill: Where? On game shows?
Bob: Yes. "Jeopardy."
Bill: We can't wait much longer.
Bob: We don't have much time.
Don Pardo: Yes, you do, boys! 'Cause here's good news! [iris to an image of wristwatches in deep space - the brand of watch is IMMANUEL KANT OF GERMANY] Space and time are empirically real but transcendentally ideal, Bill! Yours from Immanuel Kant -- where Time and Space work hand-in-hand for you! [dissolve back to the tramps]
Bill: What's it like?
Bill: The face of Pardo.
Bob: It's been said that it's very beautiful.
Bob: Though no one's ever seen it.
Bill: Let's look for it. [Bob looks inside a boot that he carries while Bill looks skyward at the sound of Don Pardo's Olympian voice]
Don Pardo: Keep looking, boys! [iris to an image of luggage - brand name: Spinoza] 'Cause all things which are, are in themselves, or in another thing, Bill! Another quality idea from Spinoza! [dissolve back to the tramps]
Bob: [off his boot] Well, he's not in here.
Bill: [off his shoe] Not in here either.
Bob: [tries to put on Bill's shoe] It's a struggle.
Bill: Puttin' on your shoe?
Bob: No, puttin' on yours.
Bill: [puts his hat on his foot] I think we're losing this game.
Don Pardo: No way, big fella! [iris to an image of fine jewelry - brand name: MARX OF LONDON] The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains! Workers of the world unite, Bob! From "Das Kapital" by Marx! Back to you, Bill! [dissolve back to the tramps]
Bob: Tell me ... you like my T-shirt?
Bill: I have one.
Bob: Let's just ... keep waiting.
Don Pardo: And you'll be glad you did, you lucky devils, you! [iris to image of cruise ships with the words 5 DAYS 6 NIGHTS - I CHING TO HONG KONG] Because, from the fabulous Book of Changes, comes success! It furthers one to cross the great water! Perseverance furthers, Bill! From the good folks at I Ching!
Bill: He must be very smart.
Don Pardo: I think, therefore I am, Bill! [dissolve to image of men's designer slacks and the Eiffel Tower - brand name: René Descartes of Paris] Something to think about from René Descartes of Paris! [dissolve back to the tramps]
Bob: Knock knock.
Bill: Who's there?
Bill: Knock knock.
Bob: Who's there?
Bob: One hundred bottles of beer on the wall ...
Bill: One hundred bottles of beer ...
Bob: If one of those bottles should happen to fall ...
Bill and Bob: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall ...
Don Pardo: And while you're waiting for Pardo, have a nice day, Bill! [dissolve to image of a smiley face underneath which is the name of Rod McKuen] Loosely based on a concept by Rod McKuen.
Bob: Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall ...
Bill: Ninety-eight bottles of beer ...
Bob: If one of those bottles should happen to fall ... [stage darkens]